Another week in HRS

Friday 12th. After the miracle in Medina or One night in Istanbul, there was the Friday afternoon kerfuffle in the Ivor Faure arena where the sporting comeback of all comebacks. fox threw a tantrum, sizzler headed for an early bath as a football team that needed snookers to win a game game from behind to turn a 7 goal deficit into a glorious victory

Friday the 19th....a much calmer affair. Sadly the tempt at random team picking was Butch, Sam, Lee, Fox and Sid James.........sporting Sam came over to the dark side.....but then mentioned that after a game last week, most of his toenails were hanging off so he couldn't shoot on his favoured right side......an excuse that I have use for most of my career!

From the start the intentions were clear that this was going to be a no holds barred game. an early challenge in the corner between Chris and Bobby in the corner left nothing to be imagined. News is just coming in from geologists in the Pacific of the outcome.

Performing to a crowd of ......Embo......who by watching through the open fire door had not paid for a ticket.

news away from the game

Former Ass. Man. and now just ....Man. Butch has been in contact with the Head about funding for a strip for the HRs Strollers. following the controversy of some of the new kits that have gone on sale this season.

 

1860 Munich have gone for the Liederhosen look so that you can attend beer festivals and football matches without needing to go home and change.

On the other hand the columbian woman's cycling team and their flesh coloured Lycra suits are causing cycling lovers to watch their tv's just a little more closely.

European football news. we were all shocked to find this week that racism is still alive and well in Eastern Europe as Spurs found out this week in Their uefa cup travels.

Though the Daily Scum cannot endorse racism in any way, you do have to be impressed when it usually takes the form of a misspelled spray painted stolen bed sheet. The HRS Strollers would like to remind all of our followers that we support the Ryman and Blue Square leagues badly thought out "Kick football out of Racism" campaign.

Devolution:- good news for lovers of Great Brittain. Scotland has decided to stay as part of the country. This has been welcomed heartily by followers of the national front who otherwise would have had to get all the blue removed from their Union Jack tattoos. Thoughts that the isolation room was to be turned into a holding colony before staff were repatriated north of the border was in full swing. Stuart mclauchlan was unsure what was to happen to him as with his sh English accent and Scottish surname he was concerned that he may too have been hearded into the freight train carriages north.

Alex the Salmon, SNP leader and cartoon character with limited super powers has stood down having failed to achieve devolution. Apparently the No vote surged when he was captured trying to be "hip with the youff" and take the worlds worst ever "selfie"

European football roundup.

It's a worry that after many years in the Champions league wilderness that only Liverpool could muster a win. The others all failed against German opposition. The arsenal players were said to be distraught after their heavy defeat. In fact Alexis Sanchez was said to be in a traumatic state and heard loudly singing to himself.....

.......short and stout....here's my handle......

 

Injury news:- not that anyone needs to know but I thing I have pulled a muscle in my right butt cheek. We discovered this after the prolonged and painful hobble to the toilet this morning. Sadly nobody wants to kiss it bette......

 

 

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New academic Year - new season.

Well sports fans, Friday in the Ivor Faure arena brought us some new blood. Big John and @realpascalchimbonda turned up for their first ever kicking and were made captains with nothing to go on except the sight of rippling muscles and designer football tops. Sadly, they reverted to school stereotypes and left the kid with the glasses and the fat kid till last.

To the surprise of the non existent crowd, the game was closer than the pundits expected of any team with Sam and Lee on the same side.

Butch played a blinder and was later called up to Hodgsons England qualifier against Swizerland. at one stage he played a perfect Fabregas like ball into Birss who volleyed the ball into the left corner like Andre Shurler, past the flying arms of the Fox.

Sadly the Fox was on the winning team and and didn't go off on one at the end of the game but there were a few moments during the game that he was letting boils in because either he couldn't see through or that people were not picking up the fat kid!

Other news.

Good news was that Lee's permission slip was emailed in before the 3:10 deadline and so he made the team.

The bad news is that fresh back from the honeymoon it's a case of "love on the rocks" already for the sizzler. There is a cold wind in the bedroom since Lee has refused to cook the stir fry that is sitting in the fridge and both parties are "on edge" since Lee revealed his intense dislike of the oriental cuisine which apparently had not cropped up in the marriage vows.

Concern was later shown as Lee quizzed with a "Guantanamo bay like " zeal, Gunner Willcox as to which animals he had shot, which licences he had for which weapons and how available were they.

The Daily Scum is keeping an eye out for the outcomes of this. Especially considering our roving reporter has uncovered that he has already moved a new " possible love interest" into his weekday abode. rumours abound in the "Babe Station" across the street every time the front door is closed!!!

Good news was that Butch, the HRS Rovers Ass. Man. Has been promoted to position of ......Man. In light of Muppets free transfer following his behind the scenes arguments with the clubs foreign owners.

The Rovers are now advertising for the position of Ass. Man. If you are an Ass. Man., or think you might have what it takes to be an Ass. Man. Then contact Butch directly before the end of the week as interviews are being held at the "Angel and Harp" on Friday.

Sizzler did remind us that he was still 11-a-side captain as he still had the armband at the bottom of his kitbag from last year and that it now smelled a bit.

A brief discussion was held over which teams would like to have the privilege of being thrashed by us and hopefully news of a "big " game will evolve shortly.

Soccer groupie, Andrea Foley turned up for post match discussions with the team leading to thoughts that at least Big Nev was at home getting a stir fry "just right" for when she got home.

Lee had decided to cancel his plans to go "out" in London this weekend since he couldn't think of that many places to go to.

With the lack of internet facilities currently operating during the day, news from the Daily Scum, may not reach you until Easter.

 

 

 

 

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Daily scum -World Cup update.

All of a sudden some of the big names are no longer in the tournament as it gets down to the nitty gritty. Louis Suarez was disappointed that he would no longer play a part in the tournament as he was looking forward to a semi final date with the Germans. " I was so looking forward to getting stuck into a leg of Lahm!"

Belgian fans have been enthusiastic about the efforts of Marouane Felaini away from his trials from Man Utd. Some people have asked for him to prove his identity.

the daily scum have dug the dirt and found links to Michael Jackson and Rudolf Hess.

England are home...or more likely on hastily rearrange holidays with the wags.

But not John Terry. not chosen for Brazil, JT has been keeping fit and training every day.

the daily mail has been photographing him at the cobham training ground almost everyday whilst England were still in the tournament.

......the daily scum have found out that rather than it being JT attempting to get fit, All of his 18 team mates who were away representing their countries wanted to keep an eye on him!

 

I looked at some of the England related products sitting on the discount shelf in the shops, noted some fabreeze air frenshner in the colours of the flag of Saint George, "the scent of pride- guaranteed for 60 days..." ....if purchased you can exchange for " the stink of abject failure!"

 

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Still popular in the United States of A.

.....but haven't cracked Brazil yet.....

 

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World Cup Woe continues

Embarrassing moments for the team from Englandshire. Italy lost, coach resigned, Ivory Coast lost, coach resigned. Japan lost, coach resignsRoy Hodgson told the waiting press that he has a big decision to make today....window seat or aisle.

Customs stopped the England team at the airport today and asked "Anything to declare?"

 

"Yes" said Hodgson, "We were a bit sh!t"

Things didn't get any easier for Wazza either.

But don't worry at least following the mighty group winners of Costa Rica, Uruguay, a nation of less than 4 million people are through to join them.

...amidst controversy thanks to Louis Suarez.....again...can the lad not stay out of the news.

Eventually Wet Bladder and FIFA decided to act.

At least FIFA'S newest technology was brought into play and showed conclusive proof.....

Shares in Apple products dropped.

But at least one young lead is still proud of his Panini sticker collection and modified it accordingly.

Concerns were raised after Suarez designed the away teams kit.

And for those of you thinking of going out for a snack later......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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World Cup woe for Woy.

It's Saturday morning and as a Scottish soccer god and legend I am waking up a little on the stiff side and not in a nice way either.

I got caught just above the knee yesterday and now have a nice little lump which means I'm having a bit of a hobble to and from the bathroom. " you went down in installments" At my age Muppet you may not have noticed but I do everything slowly!

Worth it though for my nice ping into the back of the net yesterday. Ball in the back of the net without touching the deck. Long throw out from the Fox, straight to my chest.. But stepped back, spun round and volleyed straight past the keeper. Sadly still breathing through my backside just to keep going....no change there say many.

I would like to appologise for my comments to Phil Matheson. In a recent game, whilst trying to "nudge him out of the way, I found hi my to have quite a solid bony arse. With the joys of predictive text, this appeared to the world as a Bonnie Arse......I would like to appologise for any confusion caused..... No Phil, I not giving the flowers back!

Sam Hector was unable to make it for the game as his wife was being seduced.......hopefully the birth went well....though check if the baby looks anything like Leee Cooke, I have a hessian bag and a brick and know where ere us a canal .

Questions were raised in the house over the "mental" state of the Fox following a string of excellent saves yet we managed to lose. Last weeks penaly miss followed by the lap of dishonour all the way to the changing room meant that Mrs "the Fox" stayed with her mother again.

Tony James showed no shame turning up with his red England top with Gerrard on the back. " Stevie needs our support at this time"

It's amazing how for 364 days, nobody gives a monkey about maths until defeat to Uruguay mean that it was mathematically possible for England to still qualify.

24 hours later Costa Rica resolved that issue. Might be interesting to find out all across the country where people are scrambling through litter bins looking for the Costa Rica ticket for the office World Cup sweepstake.

Good people of Englandshire, for years now it was great fun to point out that for Scotland, the World Cup only lasted two weeks, yours didn't even jake it that far.

There's always a Scotsman around to support you, remember, we were as Uruguayan as the next man.my mate says that north of the border Uruguay and Costa Rican shirts were selling for £6.00 like hot cakes. Nice bit of marketing JJB sports.

 

The Brazilian press weren't so magnanimous. Nice Beatles reference....has anyoneounted out half them are dead and one of the others is just Ringo Starr!

Now is the summer of our discontent, made glorious by this brace by Suarez! Louis always willing to be helpful. Just wondering what first day back at training at an field will be like.

Ballotelli asked for a kiss on the cheek from the queen if he helped England qualify.

 

Not happening.

Not willing to be taken lightly, The Queen has decided to take matters into her own hands.

Not even bothering to use Hglen Mirren as a stunt double.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Just a quickie....

Wet Bladder was asked at a recent press conference...." Exactly how tall us Lee Cooke?"

 

Spot the parents...

 

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