Alls fair in love and war.....

After eight weeks the first ballon D'or has been awarded to....Sam, Frank AND Chris. The unlikely outcome came after Frank's Gordon Banks like display between the sticks along with Chris's storming box to box performance humiliated SAMs team by out scoring them 2-1 on the goals front.

This is the first time that this scenario has happened........sporting Chris has never had a three way before.

Here's Richard, showing us all how it's done. Looks like he's dancing with the invisible woman.....and she's leading.

Psst. Chris! Beware of Ranger Danger. it's not panto season and already we're shouting " he's behind you"

Cookie looks like he's about to take out Richard in the corner.

Here we see big Frank not even bothering to try to save one of Cookies shots.

Here we see Sam trying to protect his title....and big Frank trying to protect what's important to Mrs Iyase!

The kit man collected the bibs from the losing team at the end of the game.

World Soccer News.

Lionel Messi continues to be the greatest player in the world but one team decided that man marking wasn't enough.

In international football, the Brazilian forward Fred talks about how his strange birthmark causes an unfortunate amount of head injuries.

The search for the truth behind claims in Fergies autobiography that some Man U players just didn't get on seems to have an element of truth.

 

 

Concern was raised that the South Americans just don't like forming a wall for a free kick.

Chelsea goalkeeper Peter Cech talks about has transformation in goal over recent years.

 

 

Concerns were raised as to Lee Cooke's diving in recent games! As for the last person who laughed at Lee's performance......... (A box was used to help on this occasion....)

 

CSKA Moscow fans were not allowed into the stadium but a young Feyenoord fan was asked his opinion on the tied Ballon D'or result.

 

International Scum.

It's good to see that the scum is in fact more popular in the USA of A, than it is in Dunmow. In fact Hollywood is already a calling. A Mr Harvey Wisensteen has already asked if Sam is available for a movie and that since Frank has a "bit of a Denzel thing" going on, would they both be available for parts in the up coming movie of Pele's life. it would be a bit like Escape to victory but with less soccer skill.

Half term Footy quiz.

1) Which manager has won all three European trophies as well as the supercup and intercontinental cup?

2) ...on the other hand which manager has made the finals of all three European cup competitions and never won?

3) Which player has scored in the Manchester, Merseyside and Glasgow derbies?

4) Who is the only player to have scored a hat trick in all four English leagues, the FA cup and at international level?

5) Which current premiership player has won back to back trebles (champions league! League title and national cup)?

6) Which player has won the champions league! the uefa cup! the premier league and the FA cup.....and been relegated from the premiership?

Answers on an email to.....

Bbirss@helena-romanes.essex.sch.uk. ..............Closing date Friday 8th November.

Enjoy!

 

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Sams to lose....

With one final game to go, big Sam...not Allardice....is in pole position. two teams guarantees him a share of the title, three teams keeps Tony and Olly in the hunt depending on the draws? I can see Tony and Olly on the same team next Friday.

Sporting Chris was at the top of the leader board on Thursday night but appeared to have mixed his crossply and radial trainer treads as he spent more time on the floor than Lee Cooke at a wine tasting.

The game was marred by shocking decisions. Knightrider quite rightly pointed out that he had a governors meeting that night. Sadly, the goal line technology that was voted through could not prevent the evening turning info farce.

Apparently refereeing decisions were replaced by shouting loudly, wagging of fingers or extreme tutting. Even Anders Fisk from his mountain hideaway with Salman Rushdie admitted that even he was embarrassed to watch.

Jose mourinho was asked for his opinion but was lost for words.

The decisions even made it to BT sports as David ginola expressed his opinion on the matter.

The whole thing started in farce as the "blue" team had to change their tops as a completely different team decided to use the blue bibs. Under draw master lukemans rules surely the REAL blues should be awarded the points for this fact alone.

Re the footy top fiasco....spare a thought for this Spanish third division side.

That's right, their tops are based on tips of broccoli. Even their goalkeeper is struggling just to stand next to them. behind them the fans are finding it hard to even turn up to watch. This is taking healthy schools to a different level.....

Not since 66 has the is it, isn't it over the line controversy as the Fox clawed balls off the line repeatedly. Mind you, spare a thought for hoffenheim in Germany.

This header by the red player on the left CLEARLY went past the post but then came through a hole in the side netting and ended up in the back of the goal. It was the decisive "goal" in a 2-1 win. I wonder what state the fox would have left the goal posts in!!!

It was good to see Embo the albatross break his duck with a stunning 3 points and no fear of hitting the ball from everywhere.

So heading into the last week all eyes will be on the amount of players turning up for the final game, there will be a team of FIFA observers watching the draw......as Hector and alum in the same team would also lead to controversy.

Also, can personnel keep an eye out for SAMs attendance next term.

we all remember the last time he won a Ballon D'or......he missed the first game the next term .......as he was out buying a frame for his award.......

 

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Football update

Unfortunately I didn't make the game on Friday. The Scum have already been nobbled by Smithy who suggested that he had scored "goal of the season". "Even The Fox didn't move" said the young terrier.

Hard to believe that anything could beat the Sizzlers screamer from the edge of his own penalty box from last week.....will need a second source to confirm smithys tap in.

The OPTA stats show that we could have a new winner as Sporting Chris co-tops the leader board with only two weeks left and this Fridays match now becomes crucial.

On a slight aside. my little international tournament at the weekend, won three! Drew one, scored a screamer, play in goal for two and had two clean sheets. Most of the lads were all good amateur footballers in the day...(don't think I can count my one season with Shell Division 5 Aberdeen and three seasons with Lower street in the Bishops Stortford and Stansted league........)

It was nice to feel thin for once.

 

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Where's the chocolate cake?

The 6th form did their bit for charity with a sponsored sponge the teacher at lunchtime. It was good to see a few of the lads taking one for the team. Captain Cooke had his ginger bonce in the stocks. The wet sponges found little purchase on the gleaming bonce of the Fantastic Mr Fox. Mr. Lukeman was spurred on to take some on the 'ead. Sporting Chris was leakey than the Sunderland defence by the end.

Sadly Bobby was disappointed. Having signed up for "Sponge a teacher" he was sad to see that there was no platter of cakes and gateaux available to eat.

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Going Global

That's right gentlemen, The Daily Scum has gone international. The peoples of the world want to know more about the legendary exploits of Lee Cooke and Sam Hector and their band of not so merry men.

Already news has come in that we are now big in the USSR......there is one man who is known to be a Big fan of Captain Cooke and follows his exploits on the football pitch.

Already we have 5 hits from the United States of A...... It turns out that four are from Langley Virginia and a fifth one wants Sam Hector to come and play Quarterback............

15 hits on the UK......unconfirmed sources suggest that it was Lee showing off his trophy to each of the squad earlier today.

Already the sponsorship deals are coming in.

Lee Ranger has been approached by Vidal Sassoon for a hair product deal.

Simon Knight has been approached by Wonga.com for funding.

Lee Cooke has been approached by a man in an overcoat in a dark alley but doesn't want to talk about it.

 

 

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Untitled

Friday 4th October update.

The OPTA stats show that Blue is the colour and that Sam Hector is moving ahead in the running for this term. There is a fine line between success and failure as the "best of three" winners have been needed to split the teams for the third week in a row.

11 A-side:- we await news from the PE boys to see if we can get an 11 a side game in against Birchwood, should they manage to get a squad together. Dom is also currently trying to arrange a game against the Lion King F.C. They are quite good...in fact their last four results were

A win away - a win away - a win away- a win away....

Celebrity soccer hairdos:-

The Footballing world has been graced by many legendary hairdos over recent years.

.......... to name but a few......Looking to celebrate his current position in the table, our own Lee Ranger is displaying new hip and trendy looks that will be "getting down" with the kids very shortly.

We are keeping him under close surveillance in case he has his surname tattooed on his face like his namesake Nial.

B.Birss

 

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blog no 1

Winner of the Ballon D'Or 2012-13.

I give you the one and only Captain Cooke. His two victories across the 6 terms last year was enough to make our much loved 11-a-side captain the winner of the title for last year.

The Daily Scum were there to celebrate with him when he received his award.

"I'm trying hard to choke back the tears," said an emotional Lee, "I mean I was expecting it and it was well deserved but the thought of winning still gets me here." He said as he beat his chest proudly.

"The best thing about winning it of course was that Hector didn't," he continued in boastful form. "All I need to do now is go about retaining my title and stuffing Hector again" he said.

The race for this years title goes on but news coming from OPTA suggest that Lee may have a bit of work to do.

 

 

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