Daily scum -World Cup update.

All of a sudden some of the big names are no longer in the tournament as it gets down to the nitty gritty. Louis Suarez was disappointed that he would no longer play a part in the tournament as he was looking forward to a semi final date with the Germans. " I was so looking forward to getting stuck into a leg of Lahm!"

Belgian fans have been enthusiastic about the efforts of Marouane Felaini away from his trials from Man Utd. Some people have asked for him to prove his identity.

the daily scum have dug the dirt and found links to Michael Jackson and Rudolf Hess.

England are home...or more likely on hastily rearrange holidays with the wags.

But not John Terry. not chosen for Brazil, JT has been keeping fit and training every day.

the daily mail has been photographing him at the cobham training ground almost everyday whilst England were still in the tournament.

......the daily scum have found out that rather than it being JT attempting to get fit, All of his 18 team mates who were away representing their countries wanted to keep an eye on him!

 

I looked at some of the England related products sitting on the discount shelf in the shops, noted some fabreeze air frenshner in the colours of the flag of Saint George, "the scent of pride- guaranteed for 60 days..." ....if purchased you can exchange for " the stink of abject failure!"

 

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Still popular in the United States of A.

.....but haven't cracked Brazil yet.....

 

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World Cup Woe continues

Embarrassing moments for the team from Englandshire. Italy lost, coach resigned, Ivory Coast lost, coach resigned. Japan lost, coach resignsRoy Hodgson told the waiting press that he has a big decision to make today....window seat or aisle.

Customs stopped the England team at the airport today and asked "Anything to declare?"

 

"Yes" said Hodgson, "We were a bit sh!t"

Things didn't get any easier for Wazza either.

But don't worry at least following the mighty group winners of Costa Rica, Uruguay, a nation of less than 4 million people are through to join them.

...amidst controversy thanks to Louis Suarez.....again...can the lad not stay out of the news.

Eventually Wet Bladder and FIFA decided to act.

At least FIFA'S newest technology was brought into play and showed conclusive proof.....

Shares in Apple products dropped.

But at least one young lead is still proud of his Panini sticker collection and modified it accordingly.

Concerns were raised after Suarez designed the away teams kit.

And for those of you thinking of going out for a snack later......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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World Cup woe for Woy.

It's Saturday morning and as a Scottish soccer god and legend I am waking up a little on the stiff side and not in a nice way either.

I got caught just above the knee yesterday and now have a nice little lump which means I'm having a bit of a hobble to and from the bathroom. " you went down in installments" At my age Muppet you may not have noticed but I do everything slowly!

Worth it though for my nice ping into the back of the net yesterday. Ball in the back of the net without touching the deck. Long throw out from the Fox, straight to my chest.. But stepped back, spun round and volleyed straight past the keeper. Sadly still breathing through my backside just to keep going....no change there say many.

I would like to appologise for my comments to Phil Matheson. In a recent game, whilst trying to "nudge him out of the way, I found hi my to have quite a solid bony arse. With the joys of predictive text, this appeared to the world as a Bonnie Arse......I would like to appologise for any confusion caused..... No Phil, I not giving the flowers back!

Sam Hector was unable to make it for the game as his wife was being seduced.......hopefully the birth went well....though check if the baby looks anything like Leee Cooke, I have a hessian bag and a brick and know where ere us a canal .

Questions were raised in the house over the "mental" state of the Fox following a string of excellent saves yet we managed to lose. Last weeks penaly miss followed by the lap of dishonour all the way to the changing room meant that Mrs "the Fox" stayed with her mother again.

Tony James showed no shame turning up with his red England top with Gerrard on the back. " Stevie needs our support at this time"

It's amazing how for 364 days, nobody gives a monkey about maths until defeat to Uruguay mean that it was mathematically possible for England to still qualify.

24 hours later Costa Rica resolved that issue. Might be interesting to find out all across the country where people are scrambling through litter bins looking for the Costa Rica ticket for the office World Cup sweepstake.

Good people of Englandshire, for years now it was great fun to point out that for Scotland, the World Cup only lasted two weeks, yours didn't even jake it that far.

There's always a Scotsman around to support you, remember, we were as Uruguayan as the next man.my mate says that north of the border Uruguay and Costa Rican shirts were selling for £6.00 like hot cakes. Nice bit of marketing JJB sports.

 

The Brazilian press weren't so magnanimous. Nice Beatles reference....has anyoneounted out half them are dead and one of the others is just Ringo Starr!

Now is the summer of our discontent, made glorious by this brace by Suarez! Louis always willing to be helpful. Just wondering what first day back at training at an field will be like.

Ballotelli asked for a kiss on the cheek from the queen if he helped England qualify.

 

Not happening.

Not willing to be taken lightly, The Queen has decided to take matters into her own hands.

Not even bothering to use Hglen Mirren as a stunt double.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Just a quickie....

Wet Bladder was asked at a recent press conference...." Exactly how tall us Lee Cooke?"

 

Spot the parents...

 

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Arsenal-the comedy series guaranteed to run and run...

Finally! Or should we say Final-ly?

Gooners get that silverware monkey off their back. Good news is that the victory bus will get to be used. Should they not have won....there were plans to change the sign to "runners up" and drive the bus past whitehart lane........

Why does anyone need a beautifully hand painted bus anyway? Why not just use an ordinary bus with a banner on the front? I mean look at what happened to the Chelsea bus towards the end of the season...

2-0 down after 8 minutes........Tottenham fans had to stop colouring things in with crayons in disbelief.

One devoted fan was prepared for success and had the F.A. Cup all ready.

Sadly Arsenal did turn things around and finally the winners ribbons could be put on the trophy....

At the end an ageing soccer dinosaur....got to meet the club mascot!

Arsene decided that it was time for the world to take him seriously so he decided to strip off and show his manly physique......

Look at the last leader who publicly got his kit off in public...

Arsene will be looking good for champions league qualifying ties against Dynamo Kiev.

Now we turn our thoughts to the World Cup....I know there's a champions league final first.....since their both from Madrid...could you not just let them use jumpers for goalposts in the car park and sort it out quietly.

As the fever starts to kick in...thoughts turn towards how the World Cup was designed.

Concerns have already been raised concerning discipline on the pitch in recent years.

But don't worry at least Mr Pitbull and Miss J-Lo will serenade us frequently in the coming weeks with their wonderful song about flag waving and coming together in Spanish....shame that brazilians speak Portuguese.

 

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Still popular abroad.

 

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